Just you

Sometimes I just want to feel your skin against mine
I just want to touch and kiss
I don’t want sex or an orgasm
I want touch and intimacy
I want to feel you
Your energy and love
Just you

Women Who are Ambivalent about Women Against Women Against Feminism

Yes, all of this!

The Bloggess

So...yeah.  Right now there’s a lot of talk about a tumblr called WomenAgainstFeminism.  It’s just pictures of some women holding up handwritten signs entitled “I don’t need feminism because...”  Some of the reasons they give for not needing feminism almost seem like a parody (“How the fuck am I suppose to open jars and lift heavy things without my husband?”) and some (“I don’t need to grow out my body hair to prove I’m equal to men”) just make me wonder where in the world they got their definition of feminism.

At first I considered starting my own “I Don’t Need _____ Because” tumblr with people holding equally baffling signs.  Signs like:

I don’t need books because YOU KNOW WHO WROTE BOOKS?  HITLER.  HITLER WROTE A BOOK.  NO THANK YOU, NAZIS.

I don’t need money BECAUSE I HAVE A CHECKBOOK, ASSHOLE.

I don’t need air because LOTS OF IT…

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It is what it is

Talking with some people is like trying to herd monkeys. Mildly amusing at first but ultimately exhausting, frustrating and futile.
I love my family but I’ve seemed to have developed different values than them. I recently started with an environmental rights non profit. I’m excited to get started but my family isn’t excited or proud. I mean they are happy I have a job but seem to have an eh,  you could do better attitude.
I don’t understand why people complain but refuse to do anything to change the way they do things.  They are just so accepting about they way the world is. The typical response is always “well, what are you gonna do.” I was talking about my new job with my brother, who has a masters in physics and he shrugged. My mother rants about politics but refuses to do anything other than mutter, I voted for the other guy.
My grandmother uses the phrase “it is what it is.” It drives me bonkers! Really? No, we dont have to except everything.  You lived through the woman’s movement, Vietnam,  and civil rights movement.  You have seen the  birth of this amazing new world of technology.  You have seen so much change and you say “it is what it is.”
My mom is just as bad. And she has taught my brother and sisters to be the same. I talk to people my age and half of them are like,  oh, I don’t want to get involved. The other half dont know what I’m talking about.
Why is everyone so apathetic? You have this amazing world to explore and make better and you do what? Tend bar, answer phones,  work at Walmart? Are you happy? What are you waiting for?
Live now dammit, wake up!

Raging

Raging

twirling

spinning

my head is so full

can’t stop

can’t breathe

I need to get out

trapped

caged

screaming inside

but no one notices

no one hears the cries of anguish

pacing back and forth

like a trapped animal in a cage

never free

trapped by the need to be a grown up

responsible for other people

have to keep telling myself

can’t run

can’t go

have to stay

but I want to be free

 

It’s not that simple

I dread visiting my Mom sometimes

She doesn’t want to know

I’m in love, for the first time in my life

and she doesn’t want to know

I am married to a man

my best friend

a platonic relationship

and in love with someone else

but I can’t tell my Mom

because she doesn’t want to know

People have asked me why I’m not open about being poly

It’s not that simple

Should I respect my Mom’s feelings or shout out to the world

I am in love, for the first time

with a girl

Not my problem

About a year ago, my best friend from High School called me. We have kept in touch off and on over the years. She lives in another state. We chat on Facebook occasionally, and text every once in a while. So she called me and confessed that her life has gone to shit. She is in a emotionally abusive marriage. I told her I would be there for her, regardless of what she decided to do. We talked about her coming to stay with me and my family for a few weeks while she figured out what she wanted to do. I’m having a hard time being there for her right now. 

She didn’t leave. She stayed and I told her it was her choice. 

For the past year, she has been messaging me, texting me, telling me how awful her situation is, and then posting on FB about her perfect son, her perfect life.

I’m getting irritated and frustrated. 

I’ve been there, I understand the need to let the world think everything is ok. 

I know, sometimes having one friend who knows, helps.

But, I’m having a hard time being that friend.

She posted today that they bought a house.

I’m not sure I can be that friend who knows. It’s too hard, it brings up too much for me. In case you haven’t all figured it out, I have been in multiple abusive relationships. I also have some other issues that make it very hard for me to listen to her and be a good friend. 

How do I tell her I can’t be her go to person, that she needs to find someone else?